wind blown tight

carried by the wind
leafs are in motion
fall has weakend thier grip
turn greens into
yellows, reds and browns
colourng the ground in a beautiful collage

imprints and memories

A camera lens
a cropped perception captured
colour outside the lens
is left by the wayside
drowned out by the flash

"sometimes I can't fight my good habits"

This past year has been...well a year to say the least, but much more then that. I have seen
the end of a almost five year relationship which clearly should of ended much earlier then that.

When a relationship sees the change of fall colours, the growth of spring and stays close during the cold months of winter, the future past and present begins to become a map. The strange thing is each person draws there own map. Each memory a different bridge or lack of bridge, a beautiful lush forrest can become a dismal power plant for the other person.

Sometimes one person stops drawing there map, to secertly start a new map in the night, leaving the other person circling through old memories on their map searching for this person, hoping to find them at the coffee shop in Amsterdam or deep in the forest in Guysborough but they remain elusive, because they are not there. You keep searching surly they are somewhere. Maybe they have retreated to the cottage on that hot Canada day, or they are in the back yard watching the leaves collect in the pool turn into tiny animals as they run across the water.

Then you find their map crumpled on the floor tossed aside like a scrap piece of paper, and just like you searched for them as the seasons changed, you find that they have been drawing another map that travels from summer to winter. Thats when you feel lost, like you have been shot in the dark, you convinced yourself that it wouldn't be possible, but here you are bleeding out lost in black wondering what you were doing while this other map was being created as the seasons changed.

Its been around eight months since I found her...our map crumpled up in the corner of our first apartment in Toronto. Since then, it has slowly unwrapped itself to have a few more roads and trees drawn on it, this time, at times it seems as if everything on our maps is drawn with the wrong hand, the map has lost its fluency, jagged lines draw what somewhat resemble bridges, everything is a bit off colour, and the map I was so happy to create and expand is slowly losing its beauty, its purpose its direction.

I have always had a hard time standing up for myself at the cost of hurting someone, in a strange way I guess I'd rather go through my life getting stepped on a few times, then be the one doing the stepping. There comes a point though when its best to break free from someone, for your own good. It gets easier to breath and your scope of vision increases. The world around you becomes something bigger, something brighter and you regain control of your body and mind.

To start a new map, with different lines to draw, new colours to use, new places to visit is something I did not think I would have to do again. I gave the map of my heart to someone, showed them my secerts my buried treasure and just like a pirate they took what they needed, and set sail back into the ocean in search of somebody else.

In the wake of her storm the water ripples are calming, I can look out into the big ocean again and see the sun over the horizon, beautiful colours pour up into the sky blending into a beautiful sunset. I am inspired, I have hope I'am optimistic again. My map is blank I can go wherever I want. I can't wait to meet her, make her smile, laugh, see her eyes light up, play with her hair, let her know she can do anything she wants make her dream big, pull the stars down from the sky and watch her shine.

"cause i'm free as a bird now"

caught by the eye of the storm
a unsettling calm washes over me
eyes wide shut
forcused on distant memories
I am on my back
my head on your lap
your hands in my hair
and we are smiling
laughing
talking
now our ship is sinking
what a terrible sound
no ones around to hear us go down
this time I hold my breath
let the weight of my body sink
into the dark abyss
chasing the light of freedom
at the bottom of the sea

Fresh like a flower
the sun gives you strength
brings the colours out in you
like a bee to honey
they all swarm around you

things go bump in the night

Never ending shadows hide in the night
they sleep in your bedroom to hide from your light
they'll duck and they'll dive
as soon as you enter the room
to hide from you light
from your body within

Jekyll & Hyde

Fragmented
a broken mirror
splits your personality
ego gets bigger
down on your luck
visit where you came from
fleeting
indifferent
transform
disguise

"love rhymes with hideous car wreck"

a thought of you brings an instant smile
like waking up and remembering it's your birthday
or going to sleep on Christmas eve when you are young
your are that feeling of excitement
you allow me to dream and when I do it's about you

between the sheets

Your red hair burns like fire
your eyes burst blue
your soft voice carries me away
you are new, but bring out old feelings
exicted I kiss your neck
your squirm leading my hands down
your tongues in my ear
I apply pressure
you gasp
then climb on top and hold me down

"too tired to write"

Falling into a deep slumber
my mind drifts in and out
just like a soilder with a fatal wound
on the beaches of normandy
my mind grasps at the little light left
refusing to let go
my mind begs for black, for thoughtlessness
my body won't let go
it focuses on your image
our memories a random thought
it keeps me awake, keeps the wheels turning
only a few more hours until my door bell rings
and you rest your tired head beside me
talk the night away

hold my breath with each stroke

Secretly I admire your from a distance
watch your movie unfold
your daily business
an artist
filling a canvas
focused on each stroke
you twirl your hair
eyes wide open
you intently stare
your brush your instrument
what a beautiful song

a coin flip

yellow seeps down from the sky
I am soaked in warm light
the suns rays shine through me
warming my soul
keeping me warm
from your cold shoulder

seasons rearrange

New images in my mind
circle like a clock
going backwards in time
new days, now old
cause fall to become cold
chasing the leaves off the trees
and shirts into sweaters
send chills down our backs
and slow down the rivers

Change: To take a completely different form or appearance to; transform:

Constant is the only change you can rely on. To stand motionless in the tall grass hoping for the calm to hold is as unrealistic as catching the tooth fairy in action, or seeing Santa Claus eating the last cookie under the Christmas tree.

I generally thrive on change. Take each obstacle change throws at me as an opportunity to grow learn and move forward.

When change brings forth an uncomfortable feeling of confusion emptiness and unhappiness, it is easy to want to rewind the tape to a point where change seemed impossible and growing learning and moving forward brought forth a sense of unity, bonding and white picket fences.

To the outside world this tactic seems self defeating. Its hard to move forward with the emergency break on, each place your visit isn’t a smooth transition. It feels like you are an only child trapped in the back seat on a family vacation. In your head you know where you are going, you know it will be a long time before you reach your destination, but in a strange way you know it will be worth the wait and the anticipation is part of the fun. Then your patience wears thin and you can’t help but pester “are we there yet”? Each rest stop brings your closer to your final destination, but you can’t help but yurn for the comforts of familiarity. You begin to wish you where back home in a familiar place where you know everything, there is no fear of the unknown and its comfortable. This of course comes with a price, once home you are quickly reminded about why you were so excited to leave all of those things back home behind.

Its like when you stub your toe on your dresser, the pain is always so unexpected but in a weird way familiar, you know where your dresser is yet you’ve stubbed your toe on it a dozen times. You never move it always thinking you’ve learnt your lesson. Just to have that familiar pain resonant in your body again.

Holding on to a certain point in your life stifles change. It doesn’t matter how great things were in the past, there is always a wrecking ball swinging in the distance, casting a dark shadow on your sunny beach. It constantly swings in the distance; sometimes it is barely noticeable while other times it covers the sun like a dark eclipse. Unfortunately its presence is always known.

The scary part is when the wrecking ball becomes aware of its presence, its actions and its effects, yet it still lingers there almost testing you. Just as a young boy pokes at a hornets nest, but when the wasps come out they act surprised run away hurt sad and distant.

Can you really expect someone to change there actions if you don’t change your actions towards them? What if the change isn’t you, or even in you? What if the change, changes the dynamic of your relationship? And the puzzle pieces that once fit together so nicely need to be put down with force leaving an uneven picture. Or worse yet what if that person knows how they are and doesn’t want to change, or feels they are normal. Should you move out of their way, let the wrecking ball swing in hopes that it doesn’t tear down another white picket fence?

"if you build it they will come"

Is This The Answer To Stonehenge?

sleep wake sleep wake cycle

"On this bridge," Lorca warns, "life is not a dream. Beware. And beware. And beware." And so many think because Then happened, Now isn't. But didn't I mention the ongoing "wow" is happening right now? We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance where even our inabilities are having a roast. We are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic Dostoevsky novel, starring clowns. This entire thing we're involved with called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. Life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments, flabbergasted to be in each other's presence. The world is an exam to see if we can rise into direct experience. Our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. Matter is here as a test for our curiosity. Doubt is here as an exam for our vitality. Thomas Mann wrote that he would rather participate in life than write 100 stories. Giacometti was once run down by a car, and he recalled falling into a lucid faint, a sudden exhilaration, as he realized that at last something was happening to him. An assumption develops that you cannot understand life and live life simultaneously. I do not agree entirely. Which is to say I do not exactly disagree. I would say that life understood is life lived. But the paradoxes bug me, and I can learn to love and make love to the paradoxes that bug me. And on really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion. Before you drift off, don't forget. Which is to say, remember. Because remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgetting. Lorca, in that same poem said that the iguana will bite those who do not dream. And as one realizes that one is a dream figure in another person's dream, that is self awareness."

"you said the sky'd light up"

sunsets upon a darken sky
the colours feed into eachother
making new ones
looking up we are reminded
instant smiles

Fading pictures out of print

a weeping willow tree
blows silently in the wind
a pure sign of natures beauty and growth
lost in the forest
waiting in fear for the civilized world to grow

A kaleidoscope of colours
the distorted image twists and turns
bending but not breaking
it plays tricks on the perceiver
an instant mirage
born from a previous thought
laid waste from the shadows that hide in the dark

Blind Melon - Mouth full of cavities
Stand out lyrics "Mouthful of Cavities And your souls a bowl of jokes And everyday you remind me That I am desperately in need"

Cause and time
a relationship of the big bang
as creationism cast its dark shadow
religions collide

"God is a place you will wait for the rest of your life"

Sam Harris simply destroys Catholicism

"I wake alone, in a woman's room I hardly know. I wake alone- and pretend that I am finally home."

Sometimes its hard to think, of what you really want, and where you should be going.
When a horrible nightmare cast its shadow upon you, deceitful mask are revealed, you are left to wonder in the heartache of a steamy summer breeze if this is something you've actually wanted but were to afraid to set free. Familiarity is a lasting thought, it wraps you in a soft blanket, you feel safe comfortable and warm. Then the hour glass shifts, it gets picked up and motion sickness kicks in, your whole world gets turned upside down. You begin to connect the dots, everything makes sense, but at the same time confusion rings in your ear, as if you have been pulled out of a dream from a ringing alarm clock. Had it actual taken place, can somebody you built a life with be a facade? Have you been trapped in a desert this whole time swept up in a wonderful mirage?

People are human, this unfortunately gives them the power to be inhumane. They steal your trust, see your kindness an opportunity to use the back door, slip into the night to only think of themselves, they fill a void at whatever the cost almost feeling pleasure in causing pain, as long as they are happy they'll cause chaos to those closes to them and to the outside world, because in the light of love they are unexpected trustworthy and held high like the stars that resembled their eyes.

Its like they live in a casino only they always win, they spend all their money on what they think is the new best bet, and when the house comes crashing down on them they use the same back door they crept out of, keeping a hold of what they just let go.

It just like you are a piece of tape on my finger, I do my best to shake you off, but just as the adhesive is meant to stick you don't let go, I try to remove you with my other hand and you just jump onto my index finger, you latch onto it refuse to let go. I get memorized by you again. I remember how you kept my presents wrapped, my posters on the wall, and I think to myself why would I ever want to dispose of something that brought me so much happiness?

I wish I was six years old and it was Christmas time, so when my parents asked me what I wanted I could ask them for 100 things, now at 29 when asked I just shrug my shoulders and blankly stare. I have no idea what I want, to wake up beside you next week, to cut this fleeting connection once and for all, or take a break, reinvent the wheel, which could take me further away from you, or spin me back in front of you, will you be there? will you ever understand the gravity of your misdiscresions, or do you even want to or care to, or does it even matter?


Bonnie Prince Billy Blood Embrace
Stand out lyric "Does she test me ? Does she know That I would sooner turn and go Than fight another, if that is what she have me do?"

"you see me, i don't care."

Saw you from a distance
wondered who you were
so interesting
in your own world
nothing around you mattered
eyes meet
a exchange of smiles
my stop

Blood on the wall Hibernation
stand out lyric "your the inspiration for your parents recreation can you feel all the sensation from your heart"?

sounds into white noise

Collaborative animation by Blu and David Ellis

remote

Catch the sun
morning is on the rise
its to late for light
the dark needs to linger
without light this rooms lives
and the outside world remains on pause

Black Lips Family Tree
Stand out lyric "It feels so cold Walk with me It feels so cold Down by the family tree"

an introduction to your past life

Cameron 5 year old boy from Glasgow remembers his past life

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4


Part 5

A remarkable reality
born from a dream
processed and implemented
a step in the right direction

The Flaming Lips Feeling your self disintegrate
Stand out lyrics "Oh, to realize something is ending within us Feeling yourself disintegrate"

"Green eyes I'd run away from you......I'm just not fast enough"

The new season brings out the green in your eyes
they bring me to a forest covered in warm light
your soft hair slips through my fingers
dances in the wind
clouds turn into shapes
I trace them on your body
you smile I laugh

Yuck Stutter
stand out lyrics "seeing pictures of you I may have been dreaming, seeing pictures of you keep me believing"

new new knew

The showers running
I hear you singing
such a inviting sound
it draws me in
everything is wet and slippery
the porcelain is cold on my back
its hard to see you through the water
I can still make out your eyes
they have me again

"It's now my duty to completely drain you"

The room is silent
yet I hear the clock
counting time I sit and think

"when you say life takes turns like fiery shadows"

Zebra stripes
and vertical lines
the sun beams down
as shadows hide
smaller and smaller
they retreat, retreat

unenchanted

Wizard Sticks
and silly string
neon signs
a violin

Cold damp and plundering

Grey clouds
cry rain
drenching the city
in a cold fit

The dark needs light to live

The candle turns shapes into shadows
they dance from the light
hopping and skipping
jumping and vibrating
they twirl they spin
they duck and they dive
they take cover from the light
and live through the night

Pitter patter goes my heart

Rain beats down
like drums into battle
this time its peaceful
let the rain wash my worries away
send me into a slumber
tap the melody away


Modest Mouse The good times are killing me
Stand our lyrics "Need more sleep than coke or methamphetamines."

I'll have another, drink my worries away

Fall on your knees
lead me astray
I'm down on my luck
got no money to pay
I lost my home to the drink
now I got nowhere to stay
I'm down on my luck
got no money to pay

Decemberists Here I dreamt I was an Architect
Stand out lyric "And try one, and try two Guess it always comes down to All right, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way"

"you see me I don't care"

excited eyes open wider
a vortex
they pull you in before you know
stuck there
its unsettling
but calm

"Yes, start today"

fog covers the window
a index finger draws shapes and patterns
uncovering a true life distorted image
with each stroke the outside world is reveled

Thom York & Unkle Rabbit in the head lights
Stand our lyric "I'm a rabbit in your headlights, Christian suburbanite
Washed down the toilet. Money to burn."

This kids a fucking Warrior

Ross Capicchinoni vs a shotgun

Part 2

5 years ago..

"Dan, So we moved into our house and it is looking pretty good. Everyone is settled but one small problem is that we have mice. Nicoles mom is getting us this chemical that you can't touch with skin because its like poisonous or something. I guess it is the most "humane" way so they don't suffer. Anyways the mice are attracted to it and they all come to the plate and eat this crazy shit that makes them go on some drug trip and they like have a mouse drug party. The drugs raise their little heart rates until they die. But that is not the craziest part, because no one likes to dispose dead mice bodies the chemical eats away at their corpse until it disintegrates into dust!!!!!!!!!!! Who invents this shit? Love, Colleen"

Its fun playing house

The rooms to quiet no need to speak
that look in you eyes, I know where this is going and you've planned it.
with the music turned down low your quick breaths fill in the chorus.

Animal Collective Fireworks
Stand out lyrics, "Now it's day and I've been trying to get that taste off my tongue
I was dreaming of just you, now our cereal, it is warm"

Turn on your brain, switch a light

Steven Johnson: Where good ideas come from

24,000 years

"The discovery of nuclear fission in the 1930s revolutionized our ability to produce energy Today, nuclear power heats homes, lights whole cities and powers icebreakers, that ply the Arctic. Best of all, those classic hour glass reactor towers don't belch any clouds of black smoke. Pound for pound, nuclear energy produces less waste and air pollution than the fossil fuels that continue to choke an increasingly urban world................ Another way of looking at it: nuclear power is one of the four technological horsemen of the apocalypse. That's the view of Bill Joy col-founder of San micro systems and current techno-skeptic Nuclear waste is so toxic and enduring that we're forced to bury it in the bowels of remote mountains, leaving a problem for thousands of generations down the line. Nuclear fission also opened the door to the creation of weapons powerful and numerous enough to extinguish all life on Earth. But that's not the worst of it................... The worst is that nuclear fission was only a beginning."


Pajo Where Eagles Dare Misfits Cover
Stand out lyric "With jaded eyes and features, you think they really care"?

"In bed I was half dead, tired of dreaming of rest"

quick thoughts stop thinking
wait
breath
rest
think
dream

DeerHunter Helicopter
Stand out lyric "Oh these drugs play on me, These terrible ways, They don't pay like they used pay, I used to make it day to day."

a fate i seen as an eternity wrapped in a memory of my own regrets

"Down through the centuries, the notion that life is wrapped in a dream has been a pervasive theme of philosophers and poets. So doesn't it make sense that death too would be wrapped in dream? That after death, your conscious life would continue in what might be called a dream body? It would be the same dream body you experience in your everyday dream life. Except that in the post-mortal state, you could never again wake up, Never again return to your physical body”....

One to many sunrises

Three yellow lights in a row accident happen...should I run this one? To late. I woke up in a memory that was fading fast, that once I had caught up I had already forgotten. I saw the night blend into day and felt the buzz of the city lights. I found myself looking forward to the warmth of a morning...I was drinking to remember


Dead Meadow - Ain't got nothing to go wrong - Live at Little Radio
Stand out lyric "Lemon yellow sun overhead today. What more is there that I could say then Lord, let it stay. I ain't got nothing to go wrong today"

Bright future shines foward

Adora Svitak: What adults can learn from kids

Our hearts beat fire

your music is in my ear
breathing quickly our eyes meet
I smile
you laugh

waking from a dream

I awake, your still sleeping
asleep I catch you dreaming
its quiet i hear you breathing
blink
i am caught staring
you smile
I laugh

Chad Vangaalen Molted Light
Stand out lyric "She grew out of the stone-cold ground, and she'll find you
and she'll kill you."

"The Power of Music"

90-year-old man recounts a remarkable experience he had in WWII.