wind blown tight

carried by the wind
leafs are in motion
fall has weakend thier grip
turn greens into
yellows, reds and browns
colourng the ground in a beautiful collage

imprints and memories

A camera lens
a cropped perception captured
colour outside the lens
is left by the wayside
drowned out by the flash

"sometimes I can't fight my good habits"

This past year has been...well a year to say the least, but much more then that. I have seen
the end of a almost five year relationship which clearly should of ended much earlier then that.

When a relationship sees the change of fall colours, the growth of spring and stays close during the cold months of winter, the future past and present begins to become a map. The strange thing is each person draws there own map. Each memory a different bridge or lack of bridge, a beautiful lush forrest can become a dismal power plant for the other person.

Sometimes one person stops drawing there map, to secertly start a new map in the night, leaving the other person circling through old memories on their map searching for this person, hoping to find them at the coffee shop in Amsterdam or deep in the forest in Guysborough but they remain elusive, because they are not there. You keep searching surly they are somewhere. Maybe they have retreated to the cottage on that hot Canada day, or they are in the back yard watching the leaves collect in the pool turn into tiny animals as they run across the water.

Then you find their map crumpled on the floor tossed aside like a scrap piece of paper, and just like you searched for them as the seasons changed, you find that they have been drawing another map that travels from summer to winter. Thats when you feel lost, like you have been shot in the dark, you convinced yourself that it wouldn't be possible, but here you are bleeding out lost in black wondering what you were doing while this other map was being created as the seasons changed.

Its been around eight months since I found her...our map crumpled up in the corner of our first apartment in Toronto. Since then, it has slowly unwrapped itself to have a few more roads and trees drawn on it, this time, at times it seems as if everything on our maps is drawn with the wrong hand, the map has lost its fluency, jagged lines draw what somewhat resemble bridges, everything is a bit off colour, and the map I was so happy to create and expand is slowly losing its beauty, its purpose its direction.

I have always had a hard time standing up for myself at the cost of hurting someone, in a strange way I guess I'd rather go through my life getting stepped on a few times, then be the one doing the stepping. There comes a point though when its best to break free from someone, for your own good. It gets easier to breath and your scope of vision increases. The world around you becomes something bigger, something brighter and you regain control of your body and mind.

To start a new map, with different lines to draw, new colours to use, new places to visit is something I did not think I would have to do again. I gave the map of my heart to someone, showed them my secerts my buried treasure and just like a pirate they took what they needed, and set sail back into the ocean in search of somebody else.

In the wake of her storm the water ripples are calming, I can look out into the big ocean again and see the sun over the horizon, beautiful colours pour up into the sky blending into a beautiful sunset. I am inspired, I have hope I'am optimistic again. My map is blank I can go wherever I want. I can't wait to meet her, make her smile, laugh, see her eyes light up, play with her hair, let her know she can do anything she wants make her dream big, pull the stars down from the sky and watch her shine.

"cause i'm free as a bird now"

caught by the eye of the storm
a unsettling calm washes over me
eyes wide shut
forcused on distant memories
I am on my back
my head on your lap
your hands in my hair
and we are smiling
laughing
talking
now our ship is sinking
what a terrible sound
no ones around to hear us go down
this time I hold my breath
let the weight of my body sink
into the dark abyss
chasing the light of freedom
at the bottom of the sea

Fresh like a flower
the sun gives you strength
brings the colours out in you
like a bee to honey
they all swarm around you

things go bump in the night

Never ending shadows hide in the night
they sleep in your bedroom to hide from your light
they'll duck and they'll dive
as soon as you enter the room
to hide from you light
from your body within

Jekyll & Hyde

Fragmented
a broken mirror
splits your personality
ego gets bigger
down on your luck
visit where you came from
fleeting
indifferent
transform
disguise

"love rhymes with hideous car wreck"

a thought of you brings an instant smile
like waking up and remembering it's your birthday
or going to sleep on Christmas eve when you are young
your are that feeling of excitement
you allow me to dream and when I do it's about you

between the sheets

Your red hair burns like fire
your eyes burst blue
your soft voice carries me away
you are new, but bring out old feelings
exicted I kiss your neck
your squirm leading my hands down
your tongues in my ear
I apply pressure
you gasp
then climb on top and hold me down

"too tired to write"

Falling into a deep slumber
my mind drifts in and out
just like a soilder with a fatal wound
on the beaches of normandy
my mind grasps at the little light left
refusing to let go
my mind begs for black, for thoughtlessness
my body won't let go
it focuses on your image
our memories a random thought
it keeps me awake, keeps the wheels turning
only a few more hours until my door bell rings
and you rest your tired head beside me
talk the night away

hold my breath with each stroke

Secretly I admire your from a distance
watch your movie unfold
your daily business
an artist
filling a canvas
focused on each stroke
you twirl your hair
eyes wide open
you intently stare
your brush your instrument
what a beautiful song

a coin flip

yellow seeps down from the sky
I am soaked in warm light
the suns rays shine through me
warming my soul
keeping me warm
from your cold shoulder

seasons rearrange

New images in my mind
circle like a clock
going backwards in time
new days, now old
cause fall to become cold
chasing the leaves off the trees
and shirts into sweaters
send chills down our backs
and slow down the rivers

Change: To take a completely different form or appearance to; transform:

Constant is the only change you can rely on. To stand motionless in the tall grass hoping for the calm to hold is as unrealistic as catching the tooth fairy in action, or seeing Santa Claus eating the last cookie under the Christmas tree.

I generally thrive on change. Take each obstacle change throws at me as an opportunity to grow learn and move forward.

When change brings forth an uncomfortable feeling of confusion emptiness and unhappiness, it is easy to want to rewind the tape to a point where change seemed impossible and growing learning and moving forward brought forth a sense of unity, bonding and white picket fences.

To the outside world this tactic seems self defeating. Its hard to move forward with the emergency break on, each place your visit isn’t a smooth transition. It feels like you are an only child trapped in the back seat on a family vacation. In your head you know where you are going, you know it will be a long time before you reach your destination, but in a strange way you know it will be worth the wait and the anticipation is part of the fun. Then your patience wears thin and you can’t help but pester “are we there yet”? Each rest stop brings your closer to your final destination, but you can’t help but yurn for the comforts of familiarity. You begin to wish you where back home in a familiar place where you know everything, there is no fear of the unknown and its comfortable. This of course comes with a price, once home you are quickly reminded about why you were so excited to leave all of those things back home behind.

Its like when you stub your toe on your dresser, the pain is always so unexpected but in a weird way familiar, you know where your dresser is yet you’ve stubbed your toe on it a dozen times. You never move it always thinking you’ve learnt your lesson. Just to have that familiar pain resonant in your body again.

Holding on to a certain point in your life stifles change. It doesn’t matter how great things were in the past, there is always a wrecking ball swinging in the distance, casting a dark shadow on your sunny beach. It constantly swings in the distance; sometimes it is barely noticeable while other times it covers the sun like a dark eclipse. Unfortunately its presence is always known.

The scary part is when the wrecking ball becomes aware of its presence, its actions and its effects, yet it still lingers there almost testing you. Just as a young boy pokes at a hornets nest, but when the wasps come out they act surprised run away hurt sad and distant.

Can you really expect someone to change there actions if you don’t change your actions towards them? What if the change isn’t you, or even in you? What if the change, changes the dynamic of your relationship? And the puzzle pieces that once fit together so nicely need to be put down with force leaving an uneven picture. Or worse yet what if that person knows how they are and doesn’t want to change, or feels they are normal. Should you move out of their way, let the wrecking ball swing in hopes that it doesn’t tear down another white picket fence?

"if you build it they will come"

Is This The Answer To Stonehenge?