Constant is the only change you can rely on. To stand motionless in the tall grass hoping for the calm to hold is as unrealistic as catching the tooth fairy in action, or seeing Santa Claus eating the last cookie under the Christmas tree.
I generally thrive on change. Take each obstacle change throws at me as an opportunity to grow learn and move forward.
When change brings forth an uncomfortable feeling of confusion emptiness and unhappiness, it is easy to want to rewind the tape to a point where change seemed impossible and growing learning and moving forward brought forth a sense of unity, bonding and white picket fences.
To the outside world this tactic seems self defeating. Its hard to move forward with the emergency break on, each place your visit isn’t a smooth transition. It feels like you are an only child trapped in the back seat on a family vacation. In your head you know where you are going, you know it will be a long time before you reach your destination, but in a strange way you know it will be worth the wait and the anticipation is part of the fun. Then your patience wears thin and you can’t help but pester “are we there yet”? Each rest stop brings your closer to your final destination, but you can’t help but yurn for the comforts of familiarity. You begin to wish you where back home in a familiar place where you know everything, there is no fear of the unknown and its comfortable. This of course comes with a price, once home you are quickly reminded about why you were so excited to leave all of those things back home behind.
Its like when you stub your toe on your dresser, the pain is always so unexpected but in a weird way familiar, you know where your dresser is yet you’ve stubbed your toe on it a dozen times. You never move it always thinking you’ve learnt your lesson. Just to have that familiar pain resonant in your body again.
Holding on to a certain point in your life stifles change. It doesn’t matter how great things were in the past, there is always a wrecking ball swinging in the distance, casting a dark shadow on your sunny beach. It constantly swings in the distance; sometimes it is barely noticeable while other times it covers the sun like a dark eclipse. Unfortunately its presence is always known.
The scary part is when the wrecking ball becomes aware of its presence, its actions and its effects, yet it still lingers there almost testing you. Just as a young boy pokes at a hornets nest, but when the wasps come out they act surprised run away hurt sad and distant.
Can you really expect someone to change there actions if you don’t change your actions towards them? What if the change isn’t you, or even in you? What if the change, changes the dynamic of your relationship? And the puzzle pieces that once fit together so nicely need to be put down with force leaving an uneven picture. Or worse yet what if that person knows how they are and doesn’t want to change, or feels they are normal. Should you move out of their way, let the wrecking ball swing in hopes that it doesn’t tear down another white picket fence?
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