"I wake alone, in a woman's room I hardly know. I wake alone- and pretend that I am finally home."

Sometimes its hard to think, of what you really want, and where you should be going.
When a horrible nightmare cast its shadow upon you, deceitful mask are revealed, you are left to wonder in the heartache of a steamy summer breeze if this is something you've actually wanted but were to afraid to set free. Familiarity is a lasting thought, it wraps you in a soft blanket, you feel safe comfortable and warm. Then the hour glass shifts, it gets picked up and motion sickness kicks in, your whole world gets turned upside down. You begin to connect the dots, everything makes sense, but at the same time confusion rings in your ear, as if you have been pulled out of a dream from a ringing alarm clock. Had it actual taken place, can somebody you built a life with be a facade? Have you been trapped in a desert this whole time swept up in a wonderful mirage?

People are human, this unfortunately gives them the power to be inhumane. They steal your trust, see your kindness an opportunity to use the back door, slip into the night to only think of themselves, they fill a void at whatever the cost almost feeling pleasure in causing pain, as long as they are happy they'll cause chaos to those closes to them and to the outside world, because in the light of love they are unexpected trustworthy and held high like the stars that resembled their eyes.

Its like they live in a casino only they always win, they spend all their money on what they think is the new best bet, and when the house comes crashing down on them they use the same back door they crept out of, keeping a hold of what they just let go.

It just like you are a piece of tape on my finger, I do my best to shake you off, but just as the adhesive is meant to stick you don't let go, I try to remove you with my other hand and you just jump onto my index finger, you latch onto it refuse to let go. I get memorized by you again. I remember how you kept my presents wrapped, my posters on the wall, and I think to myself why would I ever want to dispose of something that brought me so much happiness?

I wish I was six years old and it was Christmas time, so when my parents asked me what I wanted I could ask them for 100 things, now at 29 when asked I just shrug my shoulders and blankly stare. I have no idea what I want, to wake up beside you next week, to cut this fleeting connection once and for all, or take a break, reinvent the wheel, which could take me further away from you, or spin me back in front of you, will you be there? will you ever understand the gravity of your misdiscresions, or do you even want to or care to, or does it even matter?


Bonnie Prince Billy Blood Embrace
Stand out lyric "Does she test me ? Does she know That I would sooner turn and go Than fight another, if that is what she have me do?"